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Dramatic title, right? Well. I'm serious. But it's all part of the job. People in nursing homes eventually die on you.

Her name was Betty Lou. She was bed ridden the moment I started. I never knew her active, but they had pictures of her enjoying life and having fun with the other residents. Today, I heard stories about how she used to be. She had dementia pretty bad, and liked to clap her hands and say, "HEY! HEEEY!" She loved cranberry juice, but couldn't recall the name of it, so she would say, "Can I have red stuff?" or "Give me something red!" She was combative if you tried to get her up early, or give her a shower apparently. She would scream and fight if you tried to bathe her, and my co-worker, Joy, says she actually used to beg other people to do the task for her. The only combative behavior I ever witnessed was when my co-worker Ermelinda tried to give Betty Lou water via a small sponge on a stick because she was too weak to suck through a straw. Ermelinda rubbed the sponge roughly against Betty's lips, and all of a sudden she smacked Ermelinda's hand away (LOL!!!). That was Thursday night.

Friday night, I worked 10 o'clock to 6 am. The moment I started I was swamped with calls because apparently the residents had had wine with their dinner for some kind of party. Then they were given their bed time medicine, so not only were they drunk, they were high! The people who never call were calling, and the people who always call were calling more than usual. I checked on Betty Lou around 11 o'clock. When I came into the room, I could hear that she was breathing strangely. I came in and knelt beside her. She was breathing rapidly and had a thousand yard stare. "Betty Lou? ... Betty, can you hear me?" She didn't even try to look at me. I have no idea if she even heard me. "Are you okay Betty? Are you thirsty?" No response. I got the little sponge on a stick and got it wet, squeezing a few droplets into her mouth. I held her hand for a little while, and I had a pretty good feeling that she was going to pass tonight. But I couldn't stay with her... people were calling for me, and I had a ton of chores to get done.

After dealing with the chaos, and only managing to finish garbage detail, and sweeping the kitchen, I look at the time and go, "Oh god! I need to check Betty Lou!" Sara, the Med Tech, jokingly said, "Hurry, before someone else calls!" I took the elevator, putting my gloves on before entering the room. The moment I opened the door, I got scared... because I could hear the sound of rain hitting the window and I had no clue what it was at first (haha, honestly). I stood and listened, and couldn't hear Betty Lou at all. I flipped on the light in her living room and came in, standing in the doorway of her bedroom, listening for her breathing and heard none. Shaking, I flipped on the light and watched her chest intently for maybe an entire minute. I finally walked over, "Betty Lou?" I knelt down and looked into her still face, "Betty?" She wasn't blinking, moving, breathing... I swallowed hard, and reached for her wrist to look for a pulse. None. And she was cold >.< I got up and left her room, coming around the corner I ran into Ermelinda (who had JUST clocked in) and told her what I'd found. We get Sara, and Ermelinda takes off to take care of the other residents who were still calling, while Sara came with me to see for herself. She yelled Betty's name in her face, felt for a pulse, put her hand on her chest, and then looked at me and said, "I'm going to have a lot of paperwork tonight." ^^; She then told me, "I hate to do this to you, but... I need you to take care of her while I make arrangements."

That's my job. I already knew that, and I was prepared to do it. I was shaky, but ready. I went to work, pulling away all the pillows she had supporting her body in random places to lie her flat with a drainage pad under her head. I removed the hospital booties from her feet, changed her brief (diaper, if you want the undignified term), and then cleaned her face and legs. I shut her eyes, but couldn't shut her mouth. I kept feeling the need to apologize to her... and finally, I just started singing until I couldn't think of what else to do, and sat down to call my mom for a few minutes, just to settle my nerves, until Sara walked in to see how I was doing. The only thing I'd forgotten was to brush her hair, so I had done pretty well for my first time.

I'm okay. Several of my co-workers have come to me asking how I'm doing, since it was my first time encountering a death. I was mentally prepared for her to die from the moment I started over a month ago. The ONE thing that keeps bothering me is this; she died alone in a dark room... no family to watch over her. None of us were free to stay with her... she left this world completely alone :'(
  • Watching: YouTube
  • Drinking: Water
Hey... to anyone reading this, I want you to know that I love you. I love you for taking your time to stop by and see if I'm alive, how I'm doing, and wanting updates for what my future holds.

Everything that has happened... it's my fault. I ruined my GPA, knowing the entire time I wasn't doing enough to get better grades. I purposely lost my job because I didn't want to do it, and was certain an easy way out was within reach. I lost my home for being so irresponsible, and I tried to blame it on everything but myself, all the while, deep down, I knew it was my own damn fault. My mother wouldn't take me in because she believed if she did, I would just let her take care of me and wouldn't even attempt to take care of myself. As much as I disagree with her feelings, and as much as it pisses me off... a small part of me is saying, "Maybe she's right." I was forced to live with the only person who would take me in; My perfectionist aunt, who doesn't believe I have any form of mental condition, and isn't afraid to tell me I make a lot of excuses. It irritates me to admit it. But yeah. I do make too many excuses :grump: ... And, I'm so sorry.

Staying here hasn't been fun... my aunt has meltdowns, and can be very snooty. She says awful things about my parents, and even said my baby sister was just being "lazy" with her frightening symptoms of numbness in her legs and fingers, blind spots in her eyes, and constant headaches. Was she actually lazy? Of course not. We finally got answers when she had an MRI. She has multiple sclerosis. Many tiny scars on her brain and spinal cord. It's scary. But yeah, that's who I live with. Plus her psychotic son who supposedly has aspergers syndrome, but I honestly think it's something far worse! He hates women. He sends horrible texts/FB messages to his female classmates calling them whores, telling them to come over and perform sexual favors for him. When they refuse, he DEMANDS they do as he say! For the classmates that get pregnant, he sends them texts/FB messages telling them that they should abort their babies and kill themselves. No joke, the police have been called on him several times for this alone. He also man-handles his little sister, calls her horrible names, such as bitch or cunt, and he's even gotten in my face once. All he did was shout "YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP" in my face, but it just wasn't normal... I've been yelled at before, even followed up by horrible name calling, but this was somehow different. It was like all this horrible negative energy rushed through me! It was like he struck me spiritually somehow. I honestly hope that once I get out of here, I NEVER see him again. And if he shows up in the news one day for a horrible crime, I for one will not be the least bit shocked.

I attempted suicide twice. I got a knife, and stabbed it into my thigh... luckily, it was a dull knife, and I hesitated, not plunging it very far into my skin. My mom and grandma both called my cell phone and stopped me from doing anything else (I had sent them concerning texts). The second time, which was just a few days later, I tried to choke myself with a belt. I tightened it around my neck and left it latched until everything was fuzzy and white, and I could see lights... I felt like I was falling asleep, when all of a sudden my hands flew to my neck and I unlatched it... I fell asleep crying, feeling completely worthless. I'm sorry I got like that. I'm back on medication, and I have no more suicidal thoughts.

But enough of all that. I just wanted to get that BS off my chest. There are happier things to talk about.

I tried to get a job at a facility that takes care of the elderly, and would have required that I stop by peoples homes to check in on them. I didn't get the job, and I was very disappointed... my aunt saw how badly I had wanted to take care of these people, and because of my patient and caring personality, she suggested I become a Certified Nursing Assistant. Honestly. I blew her off at first. I think she could tell that that was exactly what I was doing, because she went straight to my mother about it. My mom agreed with her that I would make an excellent CNA, and she started bugging me to go for it too. I finally agreed to give it a try, since my grandma was willing to pay for the training, tests, and license fee. On my first day of class, I had so many doubts. But the skills felt manageable... I thought, "Seeing as this is a job no one really wants to do, I bet I could make nice money at it." And then I went to clinicals. Clinicals is when you help out at a facility to gain experience in a real setting... and I didn't expect to love it as much as I did. I enjoyed comforting these people so much... sitting with them, listening, helping any way I could. Even though I ran into combative residents, I couldn't bring myself to feel any form of animosity towards them. I just felt compassionate. I started to take my homework and practice very seriously. For the first time ever, I read a textbook front to back. And two days ago, when I took my exams, I passed with flying colors. And best of all? I already have a job. I officially start working tomorrow night :) not only that... I might have TWO jobs soon. A live-in caregiving position where I watch over an elderly woman at night, rolling her every two hours. I'm only considering the second job for right now, but it's something I'm very interested in!

I'd also like to take a moment to talk about my adorable niece. She was born premature, but very strong... all she required was a feeding tube, and even then, she was strong enough to just pull the tube out. I wasn't allowed to hold her at all until she finally came home, and she just melts my heart :love: she's nine months old now, and her smile looks so mischievous! Anytime I come into a room and she sees me, she grins really big and laughs Love  She's almost all caught up with her age, and what she should be able to do... she's just behind on crawling. But I think she's behind because no one gives her enough tummy time!!! Her arms are weak because they let her just sit and play with her toys! Put her on her belly and let her work those arms, damnit!! :P

Well. Here's to the future. I hope you guys, my loves, are well I Love You Emote 
  • Watching: YouTube
  • Eating: Dark chocolate
  • Drinking: Green Tea
So, I'm alive. Yes, I'm sure so many were wondering where I have gone, lol. Here's the rundown of what's happened.

I decided to transfer schools because I was sick of my school and felt like they didn't care about me or my issues. So, I created a plan. I would get a job at McDonald's, and go to a new school. Well, I couldn't handle working at McDonald's at all... it was like I was in slow motion and everyone around me was going way too fast. I decided to quit, thinking it's okay because soon I would be getting my financial aid. Wrong. Apparently, my new school holds my financial aid until the end of September, where they give me HALF of it. And then they give me the rest in December. In the two months I was corresponding with my new school and setting everything up, they never once mentioned this important detail. I sought help everywhere I could, I applied for loans, I did everything I could think of. But I couldn't get any help at all. I tried to get my property management to work with me, but they refused. They even barged into my fucking apartment one day while I was on the phone. I was on an important call, someone was knocking, I ignored it because I was on the damn phone, and all of a sudden they unlock my door and just COME IN. I screamed, and they slammed the door and took off! I was mostly NAKED at the time. That terrified me, and ever since, I've been freaked out all day and night that someone is just going to come in. I've awoken from a dead sleep in fear, thinking someone was coming in!! Mother fuckers >.<

So... after visiting me parents from Wednesday to Saturday, and arrive home to find papers from the Sherif declaring I must leave my apartment by 9 am Tuesday. My dad and I did everything we could today to get the whole thing reversed, as my mom had agreed to pay my back rent in full. They were completely uninterested in the offer, and wouldn't even allow me more time to pack. I'm packing up now... I'll be moving in with my aunt temporarily. I feel like such a complete failure...
  • Watching: YouTube


MissYennon's Profile Picture
Artist | Student | Literature
United States
My name is Yennon, and I'm an aspiring writer. I'm also a college student, studying English and psychology. I'm on dA mostly to blog these days, and share my selfies ^^; I used to write fanfiction. Used to... I cannot bring myself to write lemony goodness anymore, lol.

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shycatgirl Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fav on my Miyazaki portrait! Feel free to come check out my gallery and fav or watch if you like it! :iconhiyorismileplz:
KingoftheCrumpets Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
maakurinohime Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
PandaTeddyClaws Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
(Pouts) Where are you Girl?
MissYennon Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Student Writer
eh... around :/ finishing up this quarter soon. Have one last final tomorrow and need to study x.x
PandaTeddyClaws Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Okay, was just a little worried since I haven't seen you on Da lately. Glad you're still around, good luck in your test! :iconfurryglompplz:
MissYennon Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Student Writer
Well, that's really kind of you ^.^ but I have been logging in every other day. JUST to delete things out of the deviant watch. I'm going to try and write two oneshots. That, or I'm going to attempt to finish Chloroform. I don't know if I can, because I'm not sure how far away from the ending I actually am. Whether it's two chapters or five o.O

Okay... it's time to take my final. I seriously feel sick over it.
(1 Reply)
Chanzina Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Student General Artist
Happy Birthday~! :iconkawaiidesuplz:
MissYennon Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you!! ^-^
Cleopatrawolf Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013   Traditional Artist
:party:HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! :iconcakeplz:

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